Secretly I am a dreamer and perhaps even an optimist towards myself. But that is covered up by working 20 hours a week, 12 hours worth of classes, constantly working on fashion projects, worrying about money, bills, life, relations, broken things, body image, food, and anything else one could get sweeped up in everyday life. I'm so so SO afraid that I might not be that good at what I do, and that no one will want to hire me, and I just wasted 7 years of my life. But now that I've been on winter break, I'm feeling a bit more like I can make it. And I will make it because I will work hard at doing it. See...there's where that optimism and dreamer comes out.

I'm actually getting randomly inspired by things, which is where some of the dreamer comes in. I feel like a have a new direction for my personal aesthetic. And when I look like I want to, I feel ten times better, in general, like the weight has been lifted (if even slightly).

However, this grandeur image is not realistic when there is lack of sleep and constant work. But I will make a secret New Year's Resolution (I don't believe in doing this usually, ha) to wear something other than jeans all the time...dresses and skirts, in a casual manner. There it is, totally depthless seeming, but I need to do something so I stay sane and feel good and don't implode.